box of jars

madeline perett
We Used To Be Friends

I'm really not in the game right now. I get hit in the side of my head with the ball.

"What the fuck!" yells Brendan.

Mr. Fig tells him to watch his language then tells me to take a break.

When we hit the lockers after practice, Brendan says, "What, are you on your period?"

I laugh and say, "Whatever fag. Aren't you on the same cycle as your sisters?"

He doesn't even get mad at that. He just laughs and says, "Good one."

I keep thinking about Brendan on top of me and feeling up his dick. I've been really horny lately. I've never wanted to jerk off so much in one week.

After I've washed up, I tell Brendan I forgot something in my locker and I'll see him later. We usually walk home together. I head to the fourth floor bathroom. There's usually no one on that floor after school. But when I get to the bathroom, Charlie is there. I forgot the debate club meets in Mr. Goodman's class on Wednesdays.

I make sure there's no one else in any of the stalls and I lock the bathroom door. Charlie is just finishing up, washing his hands, and I get right next to him. He tries to slide past me and I block him. I back him towards the handicapped stall. He doesn't look scared, just a little surprised and curious. He's smiling a little but in a nervous way.

Finally, he just says, "What?"

I have him in the handicapped stall now, against the wall.

"Give me a blow job," I say.

He tries to push me away but he's too weak. He's half my size. I punch him in his stomach and push him down to his knees. He keeps his eyes on the floor. I take my dick out and shove it in his face. He turns away and tells me to stop. I tell him I heard he sucked some other kid's dick in the bathroom and he cries, "That's not true."

I grab his hair and pull it hard. He yells and while his mouth is open wide I stick my dick in. He tries to pull away but I've got a good grip on his head. He closes his eyes.

"Suck it," I say.

He doesn't move and I can see he's crying a little. Finally, he closes his lips around it but doesn't do anything. I start thrusting. This is way better than jerking off. I keep at it for a while knowing no one will walk in on us. When I finish, I come in his mouth. He leans over the toilet and coughs out my cum.

He's crying and screams, "Asshole!"

I leave him there spitting into the toilet.


One day during our freshman year, me and Brendan jumped Charlie on his way home from school. It was Brendan's idea. He said he hated gay people, thought they were sick, wrong. I think he heard those things from his dad. It probably didn't help that Charlie hadn't hit puberty yet. He was really small, the shortest boy in our grade, and his voice was still soft, kind of girly. Brendan said he saw his dick when he was changing for gym. He said it was the smallest thing he'd seen and he had no hair down there. By the end of the year, Charlie had finally reached the rest of us in height and his voice had dropped. But the day we jumped him he hadn't hit that growth spurt yet.

Brendan made me hold Charlie's arms behind his back while he punched and slapped him. He punched him in his crotch and called him names. Then we switched places and I took my turn beating up Charlie. We finally stopped when I hit Charlie in the nose and he screamed really loud and his nose started bleeding.

Charlie didn't come to school for a few days after that. When he did come back, he had a brace over his nose and dark purple circles under his eyes.

A few days later, there was an anti-bullying assembly. Our entire grade went to the auditorium and the teachers talked about tolerance and acceptance. Me and Brendan ended up sitting behind Charlie, and Brendan threw tiny crumpled up pieces of paper at the back of Charlie's head for the entire assembly. Charlie never turned around, just brushed the back of his head every few minutes. On our way out of the auditorium I could see Charlie was crying. His head was down and he was blinking his eyes a lot and wiping his face.


When next Wednesday rolls around, after practice I head up to the fourth floor bathroom again. I lie to Brendan, tell him I have to meet with a teacher, extra credit bullshit, have to keep my grades up.

No one is in the bathroom so I wait in a stall. When I hear someone come in, I pretend to be finishing up, flush the toilet, go to the sink. But it's not Charlie. I take my time washing my hands until the kid leaves, then I go back to the stall. Second time, I do the same thing, but again it's not Charlie. Third time, I come out when I hear someone at the sink and this time it's Charlie. He sees me in the mirror and his eyes get big.

He's drying his hands and says, "What do you want?" He doesn't turn to me. He stays standing in front of the paper towel dispenser, taking his time to dry his hands.

I get behind him and grab his shoulders but I'm not too rough. I'm close enough to smell his hair. It kind of smells like coconut. And the scent on his neck smells like what I use, Axe spray.

I turn him around to face me. He's about a head shorter than me and he stares at my chest. He looks up at me, makes eye contact. I've never noticed his eyes before. They're blue, really blue.

I feel like I have no control over my body when I lean in and kiss him. It's a real kiss this time, not like when we were kids. It's like nothing else. A different taste, a different smell, a different feel. Then suddenly I remember who I am and who he is and I back off and push him really hard against the wall and call him a fucking faggot.


On Friday, I get permission from my parents to go into the city. Before I leave, my dad has a talk with me, says Mom wanted him to give me "the talk," tells me to be careful, says it's okay to wait, says if I can't wait then be sure to use protection. I've heard it all in health class already. My mom has a talk with me too. She gets real serious and says, "Whatever you do, make sure it's what you really want." Then she looks at me, holds my eyes for a long time. "Be careful," she says, and I'm off to meet Brendan.

We take the commuter rail in. Brendan met a girl online and she has a friend. I ask him how does he know she's not a dinosaur or a pedophile and he says, "Webcam, idiot."

We meet the girls at the movie theatre Downtown. Brendan's girl, Jennifer, is hot. My girl, Lisa, is just okay. We pick a movie that the girls want to see, and Brendan and Jennifer sit in the very back in a dark corner. Me and Lisa sit two rows in front of them. I don't make any moves on Lisa but I put my arm around her and she leans into me and kind of nuzzles my neck.